my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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