I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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