So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
