The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
