Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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