This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
