I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
