And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I FOUND THE LEGS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
