I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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