It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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