OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize