Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
