I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
