So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize