I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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