I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm like, not good at living.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
