Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
