My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
