I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
