O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
