sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
