PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
