standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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