There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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