It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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