yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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