Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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