fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize