just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
