i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
