Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Randomize
