chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
