Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i love accidental penises.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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