Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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