he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my shit smells like andre
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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