just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
