I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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