worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
