hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
