I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
