so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
