I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i believe in u and ur pee
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
