You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
