bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize