Can Purell be used as lube?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
