haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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