I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
