I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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