We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
zippers are such a cool invention
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
