i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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