I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
