Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
