sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize