what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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