Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
