I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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