I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
