I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize