I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
A+ Viking dick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
