Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
