he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
