so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
