I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize