I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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