Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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