The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need to calm my uterus...
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