They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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