I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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