Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
