I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Even my vagina gasped.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
