See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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