I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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