She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
