So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
