Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i dont even know how to be here
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
