Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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