Where did you get a picture of my penis
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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