Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
