Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
