I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
