I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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