My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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