You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
