I wish I could teleport
I look better un-naked...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
