i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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