don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize