it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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