just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize