Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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