i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
