Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize