Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
