i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
