Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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