You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize