i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize