We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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